1 in 5000 | Fertility Blog

1 in 5000

Related to Fertility | Posted on December 17th, 2017

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You are probably thinking, why "1 in 5000," Alaina? Ok, well here goes.... Have you ever had a spouse, significant other, or partner call you "THE one!"? Yes? Me too! Have you ever had a friend, coworker, family member, spouse, partner, significant other, or even an ex- tell you that "you're one in a million!"? Yes? Me too! We love hearing these! They make us feel good, empowered, confident, loved, admired, and special, right? But have you every heard "you're 1 in 5,000?" No? I have... I'm 1 in 5,000. This is both ironic and sad to me. Ironic because we just talked about the you're the ones and the you're one in a millions and how good that made us feel. In fact, in most cases we love it! However, I heard "you're 1 in 5,000" and it was probably the worst day of my life. 1 in 5,000? I don't want to be 1 in 5,000, I want to be "one in a million," I thought! At least that means something awesome, right? Well let me tell you how it feels to be 1 in 5,000... At a young age, I was often bullied. My hair was red so what kid wouldn't see that and find something cruel to say? Carrot top - that's the one I hated the most. I was tall for my age and also very thin so it was hard to find pants that fit right. Alaina, is the flood coming? I hated that one too. I also had a seriously awful overbite and some teeth that were waaaay too big for my mouth and therefore crooked and somewhat buck. I wore braces for years and even something called a Herbst Appliance, basically like having shocks in my mouth to force my jaw to grow forward with a metal retainer at the roof of my mouth that simultaneously, literally forced my bite to widen. As you can imagine, this fueled my bullies' fire too. To top that off, I even had teenage acne. Eww. Gross. We all hate that! I never felt normal. I suppose most teens feel this way. I had moved from a large city to a small town and was befriended by the "band geeks." One day I came home from school to notice that a girl on the bus, who had always teased me when I was carrying my instrument, had put gum in my hair. I was completely embarrassed and most of all, I felt helpless. There was nothing I could do to stop it. Then there was this other thing. The one that bothered me the most but that thankfully, for the most part, I could keep a secret from my classmates. I hadn't started my period. I'm a girl. Most, if not all, of my girl friends, by the age of 16, had started their period. But not me. Whyyyyyy? I wanted to surf the crimson wave, be on the rag, get my time of the month, become a woman, PMS! Why wasn't Aunt Flo visiting or geez I'll even take the Communists coming? Well I'd soon find out... I guess its a thing that when you are very thin that sometimes you can take longer to start your period. So up until about my 16th birthday, my Mom thought this was why I hadn't seen my little visitor yet. The approach of the 16th year finally forced her to take me to the Doctor. After many tests - pap smears, physicals, x-rays, and then finally an ultrasound - the answer came. You're 1 in 5,000 women with MRKH. 1 in 5,000. Mayer Rokitansky Kuster Hauser Syndrome is the official name. In a nutshell, my reproductive organs didn't fully develop while in my mother's womb. So although everything was normal on the outside, the inside was telling a very different story. My uterus was missing and my vaginal canal was not fully developed. I won't get into the specifics on the latter because it can get confusing and is rather graphic but if you have any further questions, feel free to email me at [email protected] and I'd be more than happy to chat with you about it. Anyways, yes, no uterus. So what did this mean? Well I have ovaries. (Thank God!) There happen to be other complications with MRKH also: including, but not limited to, missing or abnormally sized kidneys, scoliosis, hearing problems, and even heart problems. Thank God! - again - that I was not diagnosed with any of these related complications. In fact, since I do have my ovaries, I produce regular hormones and even eggs but without a uterus, this means no period. EVER. Now I know most ladies are thinking HALLELUJIA!! right now - right? Nope. Not me. Because with this diagnosis, there also came another no - no babies. At least not in MY belly. The Doctor was sweet. She tried to tell me about IVF and Surrogacy and whatnot but at the age of 16, all I was hearing was "no period" and "no babies." All I can remember about this visit to my doctor was hearing those words and running out of the room crying. My Mom followed later, also crying. We went home and I shut myself in my room for a rather long time. What do you mean, no period? No babies? WHY can't I just be normal....? In the next few days, I was flooded with questions. I didn't understand. What haunted me the most was, am I really a woman? I mean, didn't Eve mess up and eat that apple and God said from now on, all women will be cursed with childbirth for her disobedience? Well I'm a woman! Why can't I have a baby? What is MY purpose? Why am I here? What's the point? Men are supposed to be the "providers" and the women have the babies, right? What about me? Oh God, I'm 16. What guy is going to want me now? I'll never get married. How can I explain this to my peers? UGH!!!! Eventually, I decided something. No one will tell me what I can and can't do. You say I'm 1 in 5,000? Ok. I'm going to prove you wrong. I'll be THE 1 IN the 1 in 5,000 that was told she couldn't and did....this will be my goal. I will have my own baby. My very own baby - with all of my intricate genes. The red hair with blue eyes, the tall, the thin, the teeth, the acne, the nerd, all of it! MY BABY! No one can tell me I can't if I have the will to show them I can. At the age of 17, I gave a speech in high school: my senior year speech. There was a criteria we were given by the teacher to follow. One of the questions was, "What's your goal in life?". Easy, I thought. My senior speech came and went and I had explained to the entire 2003 Senior class that I was born without a uterus and that I was told that having my own babies would be very difficult and very expensive but that this was my goal in my life...I would have a baby of my own. I graduated high school and went to college where at one point, I worked 3 jobs and went to school full-time. This was the only semester I made straight A's. I kept telling myself, I have to succeed. I have to do well. I have to get a great job and make good money so that one day, when I meet "the one," he won't have to feel like this financial burden is all his own to overcome. He won't have to feel that by choosing me, he is giving up a family. I will contribute equally to the growth of our family. I have to make a lot of money.....I have to. I don't want to be 1 in 5000. I don't want this to define my life. I want my own baby. I want my Husband to have his own baby. WE want our own baby! Many people have asked me, including my Husband, why I work so hard. Why do I feel it necessary to work a full time job that is definitely demanding, outside the normal 9-5 hours, and that causes me so much stress? Because I want my own family. In both the LuLaRoe Fashion and Rodan and Fields business, the veteran consultants tell the beginners to find our why? statement. This is simply a statement that you would share with those who ask you, "Why did you become a Consultant?" Now aside from the fact that these clothes make me feel fun and fashionable while also providing a culture where we all are encouraged to bless lives and build our families and also, the RF products are phenomenal, well credited, founded by some amazing women and they finally put my acne at bay, which had gotten much worse as an adult, my answer is simple. I. Want. My. Own. Baby. I don't want to be 1 in 5,000....but I am! So I will make the best of it. I will do what I was told would be the hardest and most emotionally/financially challenging experience that I will ever endure in my life. I've accepted this. Thankfully, I have an incredibly patient and supportive Husband who is willing to take this journey with me. Beside me. Together, we will become a Mom and Dad. It is, after all, my life goal....

IVF Mother gestational carrier mrkh

Written by:

American Intended Parent, Jacksonville, Florida, USA

Alaina - Intended Parent

Location: USA / Florida / Jacksonville | Member since: December 16th, 2017 [EDT]

We are looking for a GS, not a traditional surrogate. I was born with MRKH and therefore have no uterus. I have known since I was 16 that I would be unable to carry children. I have come to terms w ... See Profile

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