The Joy of Becoming a Gestational Surrogate

For Jenna, the road to surrogacy has been a long one. Five years ago, she never would have considered becoming a gestational surrogate, but she knew many people who struggled with infertility and had given up hope. She considered how different her life would have been without her own two children; a daughter, age 3, and a son, age 2. She realized that the ease with which she became pregnant could be helpful to another family that wanted a child. When Jenna began looking into becoming a surrogate mother, she was working with an agency and soon became tired of bouncing from person to person and not knowing what was going on. She then found The Surrogacy Experience (TSE). Immediately after applying, she received a phone call from Tina Dettlaff (Director of Client Relations) wanting to get to know her and her expectations for what lies ahead. They were transparent, knowledgeable and walked her through every step of the process; Jenna knew this was the agency for her. Soon after the pre-screening process, Jenna was introduced to a couple and knew these were her Intended Parents (IPs). Jenna’s first IVF transfer was in May, 2014. She recalls her father calling her on the way to the transfer concerned that he would have grandchildren out in the world he’d never get to know. Jenna corrected this common misconception by explaining that the embryos being used were from her intended parents and were not biologically related to her; she was just carrying them. Jenna remembers how heartbreaking it was to find out that the transfer had been unsuccessful, and surprised at how emotionally affected she was by that result. Due to several factors beyond their control, the intended parents put surrogacy on hold. It was a long six months of waiting before the IPs were ready to begin again. Jenna waited because she knew that her IPs would be amazing parents, and because she had felt such a connection with them throughout their journey so far. Jenna and her IPs have been in contact at least once every other week since being matched, and since the successful transfer communication has increased. The second transfer took place in February, 2015. Jenna was disappointed that the IPs couldn’t make it to the transfer because of a snow storm, but her sister in law recorded the event for them. When they had their confirmation ultrasound and Jenna saw two beating hearts, she was elated. She sent the video of that ultrasound to her intended mother before she got off the table. She was touched by her intended mother’s response; they had had positive pregnancy tests before, but they had never gotten so far as seeing a heartbeat. For Jenna, this brought home the significant impact of what she was doing for this family. Now, at eight weeks, Jenna has typical symptoms of a twin pregnancy including fatigue and nausea. Both Jenna and her IPs are waiting until they get out of the first trimester to announce the big news, but Jenna has found that those she has told have been very supportive. She wants to share her story here because there are so many IPs waiting to be matched, and she hopes more women consider becoming surrogates in order to make their dreams come true. “It was so amazing to see the glow on their faces when they heard those strong beats. It was another one of those moments that just reassures me this is exactly where I should be and what I should be doing.” Jenna and her children had a wonderful visit with her IPs last week. The two families were able to capture many photograph memories during this visit as well as getting to share in local culture. The Intended Parents arrived in Wisconsin and shared in some delicious and fresh cheese from a local cheese factory- something everyone visiting Wisconsin needs to do, according to Jenna. They then spent plenty of time chatting and catching up. Jenna’s children were very excited to meet the IPs, too. They spent the whole evening blowing bubbles and riding their bikes. For the first time in Jenna’s gestational surrogacy journey, the intended parents were able to go to an OB appointment with her. They were elated to be able to hear two beautiful and strong heartbeats, and Jenna got to see the glow on the faces of the IPs when they got to hear the rhythmic beats. They also got to see their little ones on screen in an ultrasound and took home plenty of pictures. This appointment had a calming effect on the intended parents since they finally were able to see the twins for themselves. Jenna was glad to see that the IPs were more comfortable with the pregnancy in general once they had that visual and audio confirmation of their two healthy, developing embryos. The day before the parents’ arrival, Jenna received the first trimester screening and a hint as to the gender of the twins. The test is 80 to 90% accurate, so she knew that it was not guaranteed, but Jenna was excited to have any information for the Intended Parents. Jenna wasn’t sure if the IPs would want to know the genders since none of them were even aware they could find out that early, so she prepared a special surprise for them. She baked some cupcakes and filled them with color appropriate filling, blue, so that the IPs could decide whether they wanted to know. They did, and Jenna’s husband was able to film their reactions as they learned the likely genders of their twins. And the surprises continue. At Jenna’s next ultrasound the doctor presented her with an update on the gender of the twins. Once again, the results were relayed over video chat and the IPs reactions recorded. The update shows the twins are a girl and a boy! In honor of her IPs visit and their cheese tasting experience, Jenna was calling the babies Colby and Jack. With the new news she happily has changed those nicknames to Colby and Jackie. As for Jenna, everything is going great. For her, this visit simply verified that she is doing exactly what she should be doing in helping this couple become parents. She is thrilled that the Intended Parents are feeling more confident in the whole process. She looks forward to visiting with them again, though they are not sure when they might be able to make that happen. Jenna has reached 32 weeks in her surrogate pregnancy with twins, and her due date has actually been moved up by one day due to the growth of the babies. Jenna is surprised at how quickly everything is moving. As of now, they have 6 weeks or fewer to go. Her most prominent symptom so far is heartburn, a factor that has caused her to stop eating tomato based and spicy foods for good. The twins are also quite active at night, so their movements coupled with the strange pregnancy dreams have also caused some sleep interruptions. Other than that, the general discomfort of two growing babies has been a distraction, but Jenna would not even consider complaining about any of these symptoms. She was aware of all of them when she signed up to be a surrogate, and believes that they are nothing compared to the miracle that is causing them. For Jenna, the overwhelming emotion is pure excitement. She has already had many exciting moments with the babies in her womb. She has watched as they grew and has recorded their movements on video to send to the intended parents in order to show them just how active their little twins are. On top of the excitement, though, there is a touch of anxiety. This stems from the ultimate desire to have the intended parents present at the birth, as well as the need for everything to go as smoothly as possible during the birth. As that date moves closer, she also feels nervous about the delivery. Her own pregnancies were wonderful experiences, but that second baby adds a layer of uncertainty. Jenna has some additional concerns of delivering one baby naturally and then having the second require a c-section. Healing both ways at the same time can cause unease in any pregnant woman carrying multiples. With these emotions in check though, Jenna will do whatever is necessary to make sure that they are all at the lowest risk level possible. They have not developed a birth plan yet, but she did have one interesting request: that everyone involved not bring beef jerky into the room, as the smell didn’t go over to well with her when her husband had it at her last delivery. Jenna has had quite a bit of contact with the IPs throughout this process. Aside from a few times when the families were vacationing or overwhelmed with family events, they have texted back and forth almost every day. They share pictures and stories, and while Jenna does include a tidbit about the twins’ progress every day, the messages are not limited to baby talk. Jenna recounts that the intended mother was thoughtful enough to check in on Jenna’s dog that had fallen ill. Those types of communications have helped further reinforce that this is far more than a business transaction. There is a friendship and connection with this amazing couple. She is so thankful for The Surrogacy Experience matching them up perfectly. Her greatest hope right now is that the twins stay healthy and that everything goes well in the delivery. She hopes that the expressions on the faces of her IPs will be as priceless as she imagines, and she hopes that parenthood is everything they could have dreamed of and more. Jenna delivered the twins on October 2, 2015 All were well and the IPs were overjoyed! She and her family welcome the opportunity to continue to help another family and are discussing the idea of going on another surrogacy journey in the near future.