The Taboo Subject Of Surrogate Mother Pay

Related to Surrogate Mother | Posted on December 13th, 2016

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As a two-time gestational carrier I wanted to discuss the sometimes taboo subject of carrier compensation. I remember when I went on my first surrogacy journey and people would ask me two questions right away: Isn’t it going to be hard to give up the baby? How much are you getting paid? Now for me, the first question was easy; I would always reply, “I’m like the nanny. I am going to love and care for that child until he/she is back with their family”. Question 2 however was always difficult for me. I didn’t explore being a carrier for the sole reason of being compensated, that question almost “dirtied” the act I was about to do. It made it seem like it was more of a business deal when in fact it was my extreme desire to help someone start or continue a family. That was me, I loved being pregnant but I was done having any more children of my own. What a perfect way to help someone else experience the joy of parenting. I wanted to help and this was a way to do it. Any compensation that I received was a bonus in an already rewarding experience. Any questions about surrogate mother pay made me very uncomfortable and I found myself switching the conversation so the focus was on the intended parents. I would explain that this is a very expensive process for them and that many had to endure several years of their own fertility treatments only to discover they now needed a third person to achieve their dreams. Then I would explain that no insurance will cover the costs of the monitoring I had to do pre/post transfer nor would it cover the medications, the IVF procedure, etc. This uncomfortable question was dodged because I didn’t want anyone to think I was doing this just for the money. When I decided to go on another surrogacy journey it was because I had such an amazing experience with my first surrogacy. I felt proud of what I did; not many people can say they helped create a family. My self-esteem was high; I was in regular contact with the parents and got to see how happy they all were. I wanted to experience that again and help another family. The parents and I became pregnant with twins and those two questions soon came up again. This time I had actual experience on what being a gestational surrogate was all about. I still used my “nanny” scenario but the question about compensation wasn’t as uncomfortable. I would lead my answer by telling them about the wonderful intended parents I was working with, their struggles and how we found each other (my parents did not have a confidentiality clause and loved sharing their journey with others). I went on to say that a certain amount of their budget for this journey did go to me for compensation and we agreed on that amount together. No longer did I shy away from the questions because the person asking could potentially become a gestational carrier some day and help a family of their own. As a gestational surrogate you are dedicating a minimum of one year of your life to this couple. You are required to attend weekly monitoring appointments, take medications, sometimes travel and while pregnant give up some of the daily routine you and your family may have. Parents recognize that and actually want to compensate you for this big commitment. The thing to recognize is that for the intended parents this surrogacy journey is filled with expenses and it is very rare that any insurance will cover the costs of the IVF treatments. The parents have to take all costs into consideration and make a budget to secure the medical treatment, additional insurance (if applicable), travel and any unforeseen expenses as well as to ensure the carrier is receiving a fair compensation for her part. This is not just a business transaction. This is two parties coming together in a unique way to create a family and recognizing the invaluable time and effort that goes into this process. For me, the funds I received by becoming a gestational carrier helped me pay down our mortgage, student loans and save for my child’s education. There is no need to be embarrassed or ashamed of the monetary side of this journey. Two consenting parties have worked together to ensure the aspects of their relationship is not clouded by the financial side of surrogacy (i.e. the contract). Ultimately, it truly is not anyone’s business to know how much you are receiving as a carrier and you will only know what you are comfortable sharing. However, in my experience, it should not be a taboo subject but described as a mutually beneficial arrangement. A gestational carrier has a huge commitment to these parents and to ensure a healthy pregnancy and delivery. Yes, you are giving an amazing gift to someone else, but keep in mind you are also earning that money. If you would like to talk with me directly about carrier compensation or ways to cope with uncomfortable conversations when they should arise, please feel free to message me.

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Surrogacy Agency, Red Bank, New Jersey, USA

The Surrogacy Experience - Surrogacy Agency

Location: USA / New Jersey / Red Bank | Member since: December 1st, 2016 [EDT]

The Surrogacy Experience is a gestational surrogacy agency. We are a group of professionals dedicated to educating, supporting and advising intended parents and gestational carriers as they come toget ... See Profile

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